When it comes to the struggles of being an exchange student, I think for most people home sickness would come to mind as the main obstacle to making the most out of the experience. Maybe this is the case for some people, but for me, although there were countless days where I wanted to be at home surrounded in familiarity, I wouldn't say actual 'home sickness' was the biggest struggle.
The biggest struggle for me during my exchange year in Italy was hands down living in someone else's home. Not being away from home, but just constantly being conscious of the fact that you are in someone else's house. At the camps and orientation sessions that AFS provided they always said that once you got settled in you really would feel at home, and although I felt at home in my town, I never once felt at home in my host family's house; they were always my host family, and it was always their house. It wasn't that they weren't a lovely family, or I didn't think I fitted in - not at all! They were so lovely and we really were very similar, but I just felt shy and guilty for being in their house and for that reason never even fully showed them the real me. I always tried to be polite, 'anything's fine' Emily; rather than 'hey I actually have a personality!' Emily.
With AFS the families are all volunteers so they don't get paid any money for having you in their home. They buy your food... pay the bills... essentially look after you as if you were one of their real children. I thought this would be a good thing; I thought you'd feel as if the family really wanted you, not that they just wanted some extra cash. Being so conscious of this fact however, made me feel so guilty for everything they did for me. Italian kids are a lot more dependent on their parents than Kiwi kids are (generally speaking) so my host parents were even doing things for me that I would do for myself at home (or just never do - MY SOCKS GOT IRONED!!). I felt as if they were doing so much for me, and I wasn't able to give them anything in return.
The biggest struggle of my exchange year was never feeling at home; never exhaling and flopping on the couch after a long day; constantly worrying about using too much hot water or eating something that was planned for another day; being so conscious of not leaving any belongings lying around, or going to bed too early and not spending enough time with these people who were doing so much for me. Constantly thinking about all of these minuscule details that the family probably didn't even care about was tiring, and stressful to say the least.
I definitely wasn't the only one who felt this way. Many of my other exchange friends felt the same way and would probably agree that it was the hardest part of the year. Every family works differently, every family has different habits and preferences. Add to that mix a completely different culture and language, and you as an 'outsider' just end up feeling so conscious of everything you do just in case you're doing something that they wouldn't approve of, or would get on their nerves.
Don't get me wrong, my AFS exchange year was amazing and I'd recommend the experience to anyone. It taught me so many important lessons. However, one of the most valuable things that I learnt is to appreciate being at home, in familiarity; being able to say 'no' to something simply because you don't like the sound of it; being able to ask a question without counting down in your head revving yourself up for the unknown response; being able to shower when you feel like it; eat when you're hungry; spend a day in your room just because you don't fancy talking to anyone; make your own decisions; and just simply be yourself, knowing that it doesn't matter because at the end of the day your family will love you anyway. I know some people never have that feeling, not everyone has a loving family, a place to call home or freedom to be themselves. This year made me appreciate that I have all of those things, because without those ever so simple things that so many of us take for granted life is so much harder.
